Hot Neighbor

This past Tuesday night, I was outside in my front yard with my babies when my super hot future boyfriend neighbor came around the corner walking his dog.  I've talked to him a few times over the past month or so.  He is really nice and loves music, especially Pearl Jam, he's my age, taller than me, loves animals, is close with his parents...all really good stuff.

Anyway, to ward off the insects, I've got a fan in my hand since nowadays mosquitoes travel in packs and are the size of newborns.  They absolutely love me because I overindulge in wearing all things that smell good.  And of course it helps keep me a little cooler since it's 3,000 degrees outside.

Well we're shootin the shit for about 20 minutes.  I'm fanning myself and him and his dog and everyone else walking by, who, by the way, I seem to know because I am constantly out on my front steps with the cats.  After we're done talking, I go in the house and all I'm thinking to myself is please God don't let me have anything weird on my face or in my teeth.  Let me just tell you that this cat has never seen me look decent.  I've only ever seen him outside, after work, with crappy clothes on, no make up, hair a total mess...you get the picture.  So I go look in the mirror to inspect my face and it looks okay, nothing funny going on.  I'm like WOO HOO! Awesome!  But the joy is short lived, because as I look down at my dark green shirt I see them...

Huge ass sweat circles under my boobs.  There is no way they went unnoticed.  No way.  They were fucking terrible.  I was like OH MY GOD YOU HAVE TO BE KIDDING ME!  WTF?  I had to laugh because, well, what else are you gonna do, ya know!?!  We had just talked about how fricking hot it was so how could he have been that grossed out about it, right?  

We shall see.  If he starts taking a different route to walk his dog and I never see him again, we will know he's not into sweaty women that smell like patchouli.  All I know is this - when I go thru menopause I'm moving to Alaska.