Gone Is A Four Letter Word.

I'm obsessed with making sure I don't waste things or run out of things.  Anyone that really knows me can tell you that I have a serious hang up with this.  I reuse paper towels and tissues.  I have no problem drinking water that's been sitting around the house for a couple of days as long as there's nothing floating in the cup.  I've had my car for 11 years.  I use the same towel for a week.  Sometimes I wear the same underwear to bed 2 nights in a row.  Whatever.  Listen, I shower every night before I go to sleep and I take them off in the morning because they are white, cotton, high-waisted briefs that I try not to wear out of my house anymore since receiving a serious amount of backlash from my friends once that became public knowledge.

I'm almost always in possession of several commonly used but not readily available items one might need at any given moment.  My purse is the size of a small goat.  I used to carry Lawry's with me but I gave that up when I realized it's just uncut MSG.  It's like I associate not having access to things or running out of things with suffering.  Like once these things are gone all hell will break loose.  Armageddon, on the spot.  Oh shit, there's only one roll of paper towels left!  How did this happen?  I can hear the warning sirens right now.  Everyone evacuate!  It's the end of the world as we know and I DON'T feel fine!

What in the hell happened to make me this way?  I would imagine it's probably because I was raised in a house we call the HamannMart.  It was (and still is) packed full of everything - food, toiletries, accessories - you name it and the HamannMart has it.  It is literally like stepping into a grocery store.  I am not lying when I tell you that before I go out and buy some random item like a frying pan or air purifier, I call my parents first and ask them if they've got one laying around taking up space.  Nine times out of ten they do.  My Dad has a knack for buying anything that says NEW or BOGO on it. There was never a lack of anything in my house when I was growing up. Something to be grateful for, no doubt.

So, just for fun, I thought I would give you a breakdown of what you are guaranteed to find tucked away in my small goat at least 99% of the time: make-up, chapstick, tweezers, nail clipper, band-aids, bobby pins, nail file, safety pins, hair ties, headbands (that's just in my make-up bag), wallet, checkbook, tissues, pen, paper, gum, eye drops, handkerchief, lotion, meds (advil, heartburn, pepto, sinus), thumb drive, iPod, dental floss, hand sanitizer, matches, toothpicks, sewing kit, screwdriver, tape measure, and last but not least, a bottle opener.  I know, right!  WTF?  I love it.

You should see the "shit, I drove my car into a ravine and now I'm gonna be stuck here for a while" emergency kit I have in my trunk.  I also have a full-on animal (big or small) rescue kit in there, which I am proud to say has saved the day on a few occasions.

Which means, the lesson for today is this kids - in the event there is an apocalypse and/or the world is about to end, stick with me and you'll go out in comfort and style.