Love, Peace, and Frying Pan Grease

I don't do new years resolutions as I am always finding lovely ways to incorporate what I believe are the key elements to a happy and peaceful existence into my life.  My true, authentic self is forever a work in progress because I feel that if you stop growing and learning you might as well stop living, and that personal growth should be a high priority for everyone. I take my spirituality very seriously.  I think before I speak and I don't talk shit.

Kindness, altruism, patience, forgiveness...basic stuff.  The one thing I'm having a little bit of a hard time with is empathy (not to be confused with sympathy).  Putting yourself in someone else's shoes, understanding why it is they are feeling what they're feeling and acting the way they're acting, and possibly relating to their turmoil because you would feel and act in the same manner.

I know of a few people who behave badly by choice.  They know better but they seemingly don't care about how their words and actions affect others. They are genuinely hurtful and mean-spirited, bitter and angry, and they will lie to your face without even flinching.  Total cocksuckers.  They behave in ways I cannot understand and quite frankly would never even want to understand.  There will be no exchanging shoes with them.

Most spiritual practices teach that forgiveness is the way to peace, and I believe this.  Buddhism teaches you to send "love and light" to those you have a negative association with, meaning you have a willingness to see all things with compassionate and all-accepting eyes.  That shit is tough to do.

So, my question is, how am I supposed to feel empathy (or sympathy for that matter) for people who consciously choose to conduct their lives in a way that I find despicable?  And that most of society as a whole finds to be despicable also?  And how am I supposed to send them love and light when all I want to do is pour grease on them and set them on fire?  Clearly this goes beyond your general run of the mill act of forgiveness.  This one will require some heavy soul searching.

I know that shitty childhoods can create shitty adults, but I have some friends that have had it really tough and they are kind, decent, and wonderful people.  They do not let their horrific past define who they are in their present life.  

Since my exposure to these assholes has been ramped up a bit lately, I feel that this should be my latest spiritual project.  Love and light.  It may be the hardest one I've undertaken so far but I feel as though I am up to the task.  The past 5 months in my wonderful world have been so triumphant and life changing, I am ready to conquer anything.  

GOT DAMN FLU!!

I am just now feeling a little better after having the flu for the past 4 days, and let me tell you, that shit knocked my dick in the dirt. I felt like I had fallen out of the world's tallest tree, hitting every branch on the way down, then landed in a bucket of tar, all while someone was holding a blow torch to my throat. No kind, decent person should be subjected to that sort of misery, ever. I contemplated going to the emergency room at 3:00 in the morning on Friday as I lay in bed sobbing over how much pain I was in...and I had taken a pain pill too. I knew I should have mixed it with alcohol. Maybe those toothless, hillbilly bastards were right. Instead I went to my doctor and started taking an antibiotic, and now I feel semi-human again. Thank God for mold.




So now it's Saturday night, and I'm at home drinking orange juice with a Chloraseptic floater, and chasing it with a Cepacol throat lozenge, when I should be out with my besties Carol and Leslie celebrating Leslie's 40th birthday. Sorry girls, I'm there in spirit.

It's one thing to stay at home on a Saturday night by choice, but quite another when you're forced to due to illness. Humbug I say. The world is dirty and people need to wash their fucking hands more, clearly myself included.

On the bright side, since I always try and find the bright side, today I ate a cheese sandwich on white bread for lunch and the same thing for dinner, followed by a bowl of cherry nut ice cream...to soothe my sore throat of course. When you don't feel well you don't want to eat, so anything you can get down is beneficial to your heath. I love you cheese sandwich.

I Should Have Taken Home Ec

But only for the cooking aspect of it...I got the rest of that shit down pat.  Well except for the raising a family part.  I don't have kids.  Praise beer!

Yeah, I cannot cook for shit.  I mean for shit.  If there was a "Totally Useless in the Kitchen" award given out every year, I would be the winner, hands down.  I don't know what it is either.  It's like a total mental block.  I know I don't follow recipes very well, and I don't really know anything about seasonings or herbs.  I suppose not knowing the difference between roasting and broiling and baking doesn't help either.  Not wanting to do the dishes every night is a huge contributor, I'm sure.  Okay, well fuck it, I guess I do know why I don't cook much.

I want to learn though because I'm entertaining the idea of falling in love again, and the ability to make a decent meal just seems like something a 40 year old woman ought to be able to do. While I do have an extensive list of redeeming qualities and abilities - arm wrestling, vodka aficionado, totally shameless, wretched sense of humor, professional shot taker, slutty dancing, and an unhealthy obsession with true crime stories - a normal thing like not giving your mate food poisoning should rank high on the list too.

By the way, I'm looking for a very tall, handsome, happy, friendly, calm, honest, smart, funny, compassionate, spiritual, humble, and confident man who loves animals, nature, staying healthy, classic rock, horror movies, and has a good relationship with his family.  This will be quite the departure from my last experience, but armed with even more knowledge and understanding of who I am and what I am about, I shall not make that mistake again.  Fuck no, not today, thank you kindly.  That's a Johnny Depp quote from Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.

Speaking of Johnny Depp, I met a guy the other day who didn't like him.  He didn't like Johnny Depp.  How is that even possible?  I'm not asking you to hump the guy, I'm just asking you to appreciate his talent.  Sheesh.