Yeah, I cannot cook for shit. I mean for shit. If there was a "Totally Useless in the Kitchen" award given out every year, I would be the winner, hands down. I don't know what it is either. It's like a total mental block. I know I don't follow recipes very well, and I don't really know anything about seasonings or herbs. I suppose not knowing the difference between roasting and broiling and baking doesn't help either. Not wanting to do the dishes every night is a huge contributor, I'm sure. Okay, well fuck it, I guess I do know why I don't cook much.
I want to learn though because I'm entertaining the idea of falling in love again, and the ability to make a decent meal just seems like something a 40 year old woman ought to be able to do. While I do have an extensive list of redeeming qualities and abilities - arm wrestling, vodka aficionado, totally shameless, wretched sense of humor, professional shot taker, slutty dancing, and an unhealthy obsession with true crime stories - a normal thing like not giving your mate food poisoning should rank high on the list too.
By the way, I'm looking for a very tall, handsome, happy, friendly, calm, honest, smart, funny, compassionate, spiritual, humble, and confident man who loves animals, nature, staying healthy, classic rock, horror movies, and has a good relationship with his family. This will be quite the departure from my last experience, but armed with even more knowledge and understanding of who I am and what I am about, I shall not make that mistake again. Fuck no, not today, thank you kindly. That's a Johnny Depp quote from Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.
Speaking of Johnny Depp, I met a guy the other day who didn't like him. He didn't like Johnny Depp. How is that even possible? I'm not asking you to hump the guy, I'm just asking you to appreciate his talent. Sheesh.