A closed mouth gathers no foot. - My Dad
Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit. - My Mom
I’ll lift you and you lift me and we'll both ascend together. - John Greenleaf Whittier
If you ever get lonely you just go to the record store and visit your friends. - Penny Lane
And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud became more painful than the risk it took to blossom. – Anais Nin
This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness. - Dalai Lama
When the student is ready, the master appears. - Buddhist Proverb
Whatever you look for in others tends to rise to the surface. - Unknown
If you’re smilin with the cosmos the motherfuckin cosmos is smiling back at ya. - Chris Robinson
Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn't learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn't learn a little, at least we didn't get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn't die; so, let us all be thankful. - Buddha
June 21, 2013
Anyway, to ward off the insects, I've got a fan in my hand since nowadays mosquitoes travel in packs and are the size of newborns. They absolutely love me because I overindulge in wearing all things that smell good. And of course it helps keep me a little cooler since it's 3,000 degrees outside.
Well we're shootin the shit for about 20 minutes. I'm fanning myself and him and his dog and everyone else walking by, who, by the way, I seem to know because I am constantly out on my front steps with the cats. After we're done talking, I go in the house and all I'm thinking to myself is please God don't let me have anything weird on my face or in my teeth. Let me just tell you that this cat has never seen me look decent. I've only ever seen him outside, after work, with crappy clothes on, no make up, hair a total mess...you get the picture. So I go look in the mirror to inspect my face and it looks okay, nothing funny going on. I'm like WOO HOO! Awesome! But the joy is short lived, because as I look down at my dark green shirt I see them...
Huge ass sweat circles under my boobs. There is no way they went unnoticed. No way. They were fucking terrible. I was like OH MY GOD YOU HAVE TO BE KIDDING ME! WTF? I had to laugh because, well, what else are you gonna do, ya know!?! We had just talked about how fricking hot it was so how could he have been that grossed out about it, right?
We shall see. If he starts taking a different route to walk his dog and I never see him again, we will know he's not into sweaty women that smell like patchouli. All I know is this - when I go thru menopause I'm moving to Alaska.
June 19, 2013
I've tried everything just shy of never leaving my house. I'm not kidding. The really sad part is I have to go thru this bullshit every day. I shower, I'm clean, I go outside to get into my car, I immediately start sweating, I turn the A/C on, I cool down, I get to my destination, I get out the car, I start sweating again, then I get inside and start the cool down process once more, all with drenched panties and pit stains. God help me if we are trying to sit outside somewhere! I'm breaking out a fan, icing my hands down, chugging water (or booze) and incessantly wiping my face off with a handkerchief. My sweat glands are in total overdrive. I've put deodorant in places no stick of Secret should ever venture to. I've used so much baby powder my vagina has been hidden under a layer of paste.
Of course the reason for this nonsense is because the heat and humidity in this state are like layers of texture. You can feel them. It's like there are millions of hair dryers on high dangling from the trees above. Clouds of heat. Magic legs.
And what's even more awful is I'm one of those women who sweats like a man. I sweat in between and underneath my boobs, down my back, along my mustache, everywhere. How fucking awesome is that? Can you imagine? Hi, I'm Karen. I like animals, music, beer and the beach. I'm really mellow and I love my life. I sweat profusely in any place on my body with a crease or any place where skin touches skin. We should get a drink sometime.
One of my friends used to have a car with an air vent that was underneath the steering wheel, just at hoo level. You know a woman designed that model. I think all cars need one. Next time you see a girl with her foot on the dash, she's improvising.